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Monday, June 7th, 2010

Subject:On giant dragonflies and memories
Time:9:52 pm.
One of the most distinct memories I have of living in my village would be a week after typhoon rosing. It was another of those super typhoons that toppled down trees, closed schools and made cars fly (or so they say.) It was after the typhoon that I had a firsthand look at its wake of destruction. Our subdivision then was full of pine trees and most of them got toppled down. For the rest of the vacation week people were cleaning and cutting the trees to make room.

I was about 12 or 13 or so then. I remember biking around with the neighborhood kids looking for good sticks to play with and make into toys. That was when we stopped at an open lot which had become a pond. It was about 2 meter deep and about 10 meters wide and filled to the brim with rainwater over the last few days. We were there catching tadpoles.

The pond was there for a pretty long while in the rainy season, about 3 weeks or so. When the pond was about to empty in a dark cloudy day and when I was biking alone, I was very much surprised to come across a really large and black dragonfly. It wasn't like the usual dragonflies I see. It was a little bit bigger than my palm lengthwise. It was one of those moments where I couldn't move and just stare at the large insect hovering around the pond.

I never quite forgot that memory and for the longest time, I had hoped I could see that insect again.

This is about the closest I can find that looked like it.

Now though going back to that corner street, its a big house that moved there in the 2000 or so. Its just really amazing seeing things change before your eyes. Especially now that I'm a lot less naive than I used to be. Change is really something.
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Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

Subject:The unbearable lightness of being
Time:7:49 pm.
There are many things I do not really understand. Like women, but thats a different story altogether. A question I've always asked myself and I suppose at some point every other human being [and all forms of life maybe] is why am I here? The eternal existential question, the one that derails people into discombobulation over what they really want, what goals does one pursue, and what is the merit of existence without reason? Some move on, realizing that the question is folly, some intend to find out with God and settle matters into their own hands, forcefully inviting death. There are those that think too much, think too little or don't think about it at all.

I prefer to think of existence as a moment in time. In the grand scale of things, even the life on this earth is a tiny spec of a moment in the time of the entirety of the universe. In human terms, one human life if you compare it to the age of the universe, isn't even a millisecond. And the life on earth is probably the same. Sometimes I wonder about futility and fulfillment, whether what I am doing is really what I am meant to do, but for most part at the beginning of my adult life, I have chosen to ignore the question of why.

They say ignorance is bliss, perhaps but those that choose to ignore the existential question choose to for their own reasons. Perhaps its the futility/merit in finding the answer but for some like myself, I am hoping that one day just existing will give the answer to why I was given the existence in the first place. To think about it endlessly is painful, it causes doubt and leads to the futility of over examination.
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Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Subject:Nigh is the end
Time:9:15 pm.
I write tonight not because I want to write but because I wish to ponder.

Over what you may ask? Over the everythings and nothings that make the human soul. But that leads me to quesiton..

What is soul but the entirety of being? What is spirit but the multiplicity that is the singularity of being. Nothing only exists in ignorance, for there is no nothing only realities that are beyond our senses.

There is no division, one is the same as infinity. Abstractions are representations of things concrete of things in union of things in harmony. The divine being of form and the ideal that is the idea are not separate objects but are rather indistinguishable from each other.

Such as our body, mind, spirit comprise our being, and even beyond that make us who we are. To those that espouse the emptiness in existence, there is a reality to that claim.

I claim that my life has no meaning, that existence is futile. But that in itself is reason. When you claim something has no meaning, there has to have been something else in its stead, something for one to say that meaning is lost. But what is it that has been lost?

Many a person has pondered the meaning of their own existence. TO vilify the gift of life. To vilify that meaning which has been lost. To ponder means to search, to search aims to find. But isn't the desire to search a meaning in itself?

It is lost in the madness of everyday that the journey is as important as the end. Because an end is only defined by the path that has lead to it. If you consider that an end is only a goal, then it is not an end but rather a point in a journey. A journey that seeks to vilify meaning.

Meaning which seems to bring back what has been lost in emptiness. To recognize that there is no end, only points in time. Because when each journey ends another begins. The end we seek and the meaning to being lies in the subtleties of points in time and points in existence that lead to change. Change in perception, changes in form, changes in ideas and the acceptance of the constancy of change.

The universe will change, and ends and journeys are always beginning. There is thus hope, hope that beyond today and tomorrow and even at our deaths. It is the start of what is to come.

In this respect, there is always meaning, there is always substance, choice is to accept freedom and to move within the limitations and the boundaries of being here. Of going on a journey and seeking a point in time where you and I can say, I have learned, I have seen, I have come to accept.

I have come to accept.

Where will you go when the end is nigh?

nigh is the end that we come to understand.
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Thursday, April 8th, 2010

Time:7:30 pm.
I write for a lot of reasons. But mostly I write because I want to pretend I give a damn about the many things that bother me. Truthfully the things that are and the things that aren’t are inconsequential to the musings of man whose face he cannot even trace. A flight of ideas a thought of nothing, if there is nothing at all. What is everything but? What is anything but? Why is bull shit just shit and complicated shit is complicated? I do now know, I do know, yet there is nothing at all. I write for nothing and everything and in the end words are abstractions that can never really give you a sense of what is real or not real or not anything at all. Nothing is everything and everything is everyone and everyone is complicated. So everything is complicated. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, and a bunch of laughs I would type as LOL.
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Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Subject:On death
Time:6:36 pm.
Why are we afraid of death? I find myself asking this question many a time. Admittedly it is the other half of the only constants in life as a human person, nay, as a living being. In the words of the holy Bible, “From dust thou art born, to dost thou art return.” And if you use the ancient Greek metaphor of the “flame of life” it makes sense that as we live through our existence, we actually strive to die. The folly perhaps of human civilization is that it has given us the illusion that through intellect we are above nature in a certain way. We had learned to dream and achieved but we have also learned to be arrogant; arrogant enough to seek a way to keep clinging to just this plane of existence. Everyone dies; it is just a matter of how we do it.

Young as I am, I never really sought to think about the reality of my own mortality. Right now my skin is still supple, with scars maybe, but youthful and full of vibrant energy. So why bother with death? An old professor of mine once described death as a surprise. Even if you know it will happen, it will strike sometimes without warning and in an instance, other times it is a slow inevitability. And yet no matter how it appears death always evokes a sense of loss, fear, but more importantly a sense of the end.

All good things must come to an end. Every great beginning must have a proper ending. For without an end, there would be no point in living. If the drudgery of everyday goes on forever, what is the point of doing that anyway? Even pleasure when always sought and applied becomes drudgery if it never ends. Like that bar of chocolate, it is only as good as how much there is left.

But if we apply that same analogy to our lives, who is to say that our life has quality? [to be continued]
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Sunday, February 7th, 2010

Subject:On Reflections, Time, and Silence
Time:2:35 pm.
My iPod is dead. It is not dead in the sense that it can no longer be used but rather I find no use for it in terms of music. When I first got it in Best Buy Japan circa 2007 I could not have been any happier. The sleek black box, the metallic sheen of the back cover. It was musical orgasm in a box.

But now, I have little use for it. During college I used it to listen to the kind of music that I liked, and most of the time I used it to drown out the world around it. It was a shield for the onslaughts of an uncertain reality where emotional baggage and troubles appear when you least expect it.

I do not really know, but I think I have come to the point in my life, where I am finally comfortable enough to put down the earphones and just listen. Listen to the world, listen to myself and find the music within, to be open to what others are saying and what I am saying to myself.

It has been a journey of acceptance, and now when I listen, I listen because I want to find beauty, I want to understand what the notes are saying to me, I want to understand what others are trying to say, through the music of life. Words are just another kind of music, it might not have strings, or arrangements, but you find music whispering to you in the wind, you find music whispering to you when people tell stories about their life, you find music SAYING something, and you need only to listen.

Within me, I hear beats, rhythms, melodies. Ideas come to life in a complex interplay of sounds, silence, colors and thoughts. I find myself bobbing my head, moving my body, singing with words that have their meaning in their pitch and rhythm.

Life is good, there is music everywhere, and I realize I don't need earphones to hear music.
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Friday, January 1st, 2010

Subject:My 2010, and the 2009~ and hello again blog post rofls ahahahaha
Time:9:54 pm.

reposted from Iso!


- Pass first year med school for one

- Work in Zuellig Family Foundation, Good times


- Expand my musicality by playing bass, and learning how to sing properly

- Learned how to fix and maintain guitars

- Still learning electronics

- Found a new drive and will to continue in medical school and beyond

- Emotional Lollercoaster hahaha I'll leave it at that

- joined maid and butler cafe XD [lols quite an experience!]

- met a lot of new, amazing and cool folks from very different fields and perspectives!

- Actually treated patients

- Med school band! "Nice to know" hahaha name change in inevitable rofls


- Hmmm I actually didn't keep em since I gained a lot of weight XD

- I think in general I got better with my music so thats a plus

- I think I improved on my study habits in a general manner


- Not sure....at least not yet hahahah


- No, someone almost did and Thank the lord he is now doing well.


- None I think I was too busy with everything here


- well better health is always something I aspire for

- More knowledge! especially in electronics and medicine

- Patience this is something I really really want to have more

- Greater willpower for those days that chocolate seems so inviting


- Never was good with dates a lot of things happened but none of em I particularly remember the date


- Learned how to fix guitars!

- Formed a med school band!

- Recorded properly at the house!

- SING WELL ahahahaha


- Hmmm.....more of on the academic side of things. I wished I had listened or studied better but nothing I can do but move forward and do my best


- Oh did I ever, First time I had a case of acute gastroenteritis not a pretty experience

- Various cuts and bruises from the things I usually do, basketball and stuff


- My guitar interface! and TOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLSSSSSSS!


- hmmmmmmmm....


- hmmmmmmm.....



- Guitars, equipment and maintenance costs



Dokissaten, Gigs with Abi rode, ASMPH acquaintance party and xmas party


- "When the World Ends" Dave matthews Band, "What you Won't do for Love" Bobby Caldwell, KOF OST DAMN SON,  "My my, Hey hey (out of the blue and into the Black) Neil young


i. Happier or Hardened?

Happier I think

ii. Thinner or Fatter?

Fatter by 15 lbs or more rofls

iii. Richer or Poorer?

Poorer, went on an intense spending spree for a lot of equipment for my hobbies and personal projects


- Study

- Practice music

- Played in gigs

- dealt with people better

- Patient encounters

- Political Event participation


- Procrastination, cussing, and being defensive


- Ah spent it with my wonderful family and a great noche buena dinner, along with a good mass at the Church of the Gesu XD




- Nope


- hmm none that I remember, I don't watch too much television


- No I don't think so.


- Well, I read Fascism [which was a sociological study] but the best book I have read has got to be 2, Robbin's basic pathology and Harrison's Book of internal medicine hahahahahahaha


- Neil Young [rediscovery is more like it hahaha], Bobby Caldwell and smooth jazz in general, Chick Corea and Gary burton! MARCUS MILLER DAMN SON


- hmmm perhaps its dedication and the realization that I am where I am supposed to be


- More time




- Hmm turned 23 early last year, basically spent it the way it should, with friends and good food XD


- If someone gave me the new Ibanez Darkstone Guitar! [OMW PRETTY FUKKKKK]


- None too much experimentation, wanted longer hair but got tired growing it pretty quickly. So not much change with me [has there ever been a drastic change in the way I look? hahahaha]


- hmmmm tough, But probably Micheal Beasley since I monitor him for Fantasy NBA purposes rofls


- A lot, From the killings in maguindanao, to thinking how I can help my country as a future physician, but most important of all I think is the fact that I am trying to make a concious decision about who is the best candidate For my country.


- None too many people


- Gott in himmel XD this is tough, I have a tough time remembering names, Well, In general teh Doki Kissaten folks, I reconnected with some old friends like, Maki Eduardo [bless her soul XD], Makee De la Torre [If you mention Castlevanina a la God of War I swear....], and some other people's names that have escaped me for the moment XD


- Never take your freedom for granted. Live life, don't stress and do things one fucking day at a time XD


Hey, hey, My, My

Rock and roll will never die

Its better to burn out than to fade away

Hey, hey, my, my

-Neil Young hey, Hey, my, my (out of the blue and into the black)

Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009

Time:7:42 am.


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Tuesday, December 30th, 2008

Subject:Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health Open House Poster!
Time:10:21 pm.

To know more about the

Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health

January 11, 2008

Details about the curriculum, facilities, faculty, student life, and frequently asked questions will be discussed.

OHFINAL-1.jpg picture by nikkotine

 Deadline for submission of application: January 16, 2009, 5:00 p.m.

For inquiries and RSVP, contact Nikka (09053502071) and Francine (09283367554) .

To receive updates on the event, add:
http://www.asmphope nhouse.multiply. com


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Subject:Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health Open House Poster!
Time:10:12 pm.

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Subject:Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health Open House
Time:10:09 pm.

What is the ASMPH OPEN HOUSE '09?

The ASMPH Open House ’09 is a half-day event to be held on January 11, 2009, 07:30 am - 01:00 pm.

It aims to showcase and answer questions from interested applicants and their parents regarding the school, its curriculum and matters alike.

It includes an interaction with the upper pioneering batches to illustrate how life and culture is as a medical student of ASMPH, followed by a tour of the school and the Medical City. 


Administrators and Faculty are among the best in the country

  • Dean of the ASMPH, Dr. Alfredo Rafael Antonio Bengzon MD., MBA., was Secretary of Health, Peace Commissioner, and Vice Chair of the Philippine Negotiating Panel for the U.S. Military Facilities during the presidency of Corazon C. Aquino; and currently the President and CEO of The Medical City in Pasig City
  • Associate Dean is Dr. Maria Eufemia C. Yap, M.D., M.Sc.
  • Director for Academic Affairs and Faculty Development is Dr. Ma. Luz S. Casimiro-Querubin, M.D., FPPA
  • Faculty members are from the top medical schools in Metro Manila

Facilities are suitable and conducive for learning
  • Well-equipped classrooms and laboratory rooms
  • One microscope and set of prepared slides for each student
  • Library with growing manuscript and electronic references
  • Photocopying service and lockers
  • Wi-Fi connection within the school premises

Early and Varied Hospital and Patient Exposure
  • Patient and Hospital Exposures as early as first year (Physical Exams, Obstetrics, etc.)
  • Clinical internship during the 5th year in affiliated private and public hospitals

ASMPH provides scholarship for deserving students
  • Scholarship is granted to students who apply and qualify on the basis of financial need and academics – For details, inquire at the Administration at 635-9804

Integration is the Key: Modular System of Learning
  • A particular module deals with a specific organ-system. All subjects related to the system are integrated and studied in the context of the module.
  • Management subjects and Public Health implications of the subject are also incorporated into the modules.
  • This facilitates better understanding and comprehension of the entirety of the particular system

First Medical School in the country to offer a double degree: MD and MBA
  • Part of the ASMPH mission is to educate and train future physician-leaders — In order to become a physician-leader, knowledge of medicine alone is not enough.
  • The management program provides the opportunity for the students to understand and put into practice management concepts and skills that will enable them to effectively utilize existing systems and available resources during their clinical practice to provide quality health care and help improve the country’s health system.



1. BS or AB Degree (graduate of graduating)

2. Satisfactory performance in the following required courses:
    A. General Biology/ Zoology/ Botany (3 units lec, 1-2 units lab)
    B. Cell and Molecular Biology (3 units lec)
    C. Biochemistry (3 units lec)
    D. General Physics (4-5 units lec and lab)

3. NMAT score with a percentile rank of 80 or higher

Application Requirements:

1. Duly accomplished application form

2. Application fee for SY 2009 – 2010:
    Php 2,500.00 (local applicants) or
    $ 300.00 (foreign applicants)

3. Original Undergraduate and Graduate (if any) Transcript of Records

4. Official NMAT Results (Original or Certified True Copy)

5. Recommendation Letters (2) from the following:
    Dean/College Secretary

6. Personal essay about yourself and how you envision yourself 10 years from now. Guidelines for the essay:
    3 pages
    Font: Times New Roman
    Font Size: 12

7. Panel Interview

Submit your completed application form and other requirements to:

    Administration Office
    Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health
    ASMPH Building
    Don Eugenio Lopez Sr. Medical Complex
    Ortigas Avenue 1604
    Pasig City, Philippines

    Trunkline: 7069085 to 87 loc. 3004 or 3005
    Directline: 6359804
    E-mail: asmph@admu.edu.ph or asmph07@yahoo.com.ph

Deadline for submission of application:
January 16, 2009, 5:00 p.m.

Want to know more?!?

Meet the students, faculty and staff of the ASMPH

January 11, 2009
07:30 am - 01:00 pm
Chung Te Auditorium
Ortigas, Pasig City

RSVP to Nikka (09053502071) or Francine (09283367554)


Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health

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Saturday, December 27th, 2008

Subject:These are the people that get voted[cheated] into office? They should burn in hell.
Time:8:25 pm.
From: http://vicissitude-decidido.blogspot.com/2008/12/world-is-fucked-up.html

The world has gone crazy.

So, I just had the worst day of my life.

At around 1:30 PM today, at Valley Golf and Country Club, Antipolo City, Mayor Nasser Pangandaman, Jr., Mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur, his father, Secretary Nasser Pangandaman of the Department of Agrarian Reform, and company, beat my defenseless 56-year-old dad and my 14-year-old brother to a pulp because of some stupid misunderstanding on the golf course.

This is a golf course. I have been a golfer all my life, and I have never seen anything like this. NOTHING. This is hard to comprehend. And it happened to my own father and my own brother too. Right in front of my eyes.

My brother and I were playing golf at the South Course of Valley. We were on the 3rd hole, and we see two golf carts going past us, overtaking our flight, and setting up to tee off on the next hole. My dad goes up to them and asks them why they would do that, why they would overtake us without even asking for our permission. Golf etiquette 101. One of the guys says that they're with the flight in front of us. (So what? That doesn't give them the right to just pass us WITHOUT asking.) So, we go to the 5th hole. The flight behind us catches up with us, and asks us what caused the hold up. We said that this flight just slipped in front of our flight. So we complained to the marshall. We play the 5th hole and walk towards the next hole, where there is a teehouse, and both the flights in front of us were there, talking with the marshall. The mayor of Masiu City, Lanao del Sur talks with my dad. Things get heated up. Voices were raised. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine that someone would pull out a punch. Apparently not. He attacks my father. His flightmates, maybe 2 or 3 of them, rush to his aid and beat up my father. My 56-year-old father. My younger brother and I could not just watch. We rushed to break the fight. My younger brother pleads to the mayor to please stop it. To not hurt my dad. To just stop. His words still ring through my head..."Sorry na po, sorry na po...tama na...tama na po..." With his hands in front of his chest in a praying position. PLEADING. The mayor socks him in the face. My brother defended himself. My dad is still on the ground getting clobbered. My brother is the same way. I try to stop the fight, but all I can do is stop one person. There were 4 or 5 of them attacking now.

Someone breaks up the fight. I thought it was all over. The mayor shouts to his caddy: "Hindi nila kami kilala! Sabihin mo nga sa kanila kung sino ako!" And believe me, I had no idea who this person was. But now I know. He's the person who, with 4 other men, beat up my 56-year-old father and my 14-year-old brother. He's the person who sacks a pleading 14-year-old kid in the face. He's a person who, I am sure, is gonna rot in hell.

I lash out, but my dad held me back. I was screaming my lungs out, shouting to this mayor, telling him about what he had done. I said: "Nakakahiya kayo. Singkwenta'y sais anyos ang tatay ko. And kapatid ko kakatorse anyos. Anong ilalaban nila sayo?"

The mayor looks at my brother, point to his face, and says, "Tatandaan kita!" And he tells me that my brother has a bad attitude and that I need to watch him. WHAT THE HELL?! So, my brother's bad for defending his father?!

We leave. We walk to the clubhouse to file a complaint. My brother asks for a doctor. My dad could barely walk. Their group comes to the clubhouse, sees my brother. Once again my brother pleads, says sorry, and is crying. He was CRYING, for crissakes. But no. The relentless mayor still punches him in the face, and then sees my dad and goes after my dad again. Him and his friend pull my dad to the ground, pulls at his feet, and steps on him like he's dirt. I run to him and try to hold him back, holding him back by his shirt, while this other guy and this girl tries to stop me. She tells me to just stop it. I scream in her face "they're beating my father up and you want me to stop?!" I pull at his shirt--I don't let go. All I can see was my dad being trampled on. I didn't even see my brother getting beat up.

People pull them away. I get my dad, and I saw my brother. His right ear was bleeding. I freaked out. I told the receptionists to bring my brother to the clinic. I pull my dad away. People were separating us.

My mom and my older brother come. I tell her Bino's right ear is bleeding. They both look like they could kill. My dad holds my brother off, I hold off my mom. When I finally got my mom under control, my older brother gets away and I hold him off. Two of the mayor's bodyguards pull out guns. I embraced my brother from the back, just holding him back, crying. The receptionists came to us, crying, hugging me, my dad, and my mom, whispering to us to just leave. "Maam, umalis na po kayo, may mga baril sila...Maam...umalis na po kayo please..."

I am pretty sure the Secretary of DAR did not take part in the fight, but he just watched all this happen. He watched two of his sons, as we figured out, the other guy was his son, too, beat up my father and my 14-year-old brother. He didn't do anything to stop it. And this person is what now? A cabinet member. A politician.

Sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it? But this is what happened. TODAY. The day after Christmas. To my family. And all I ask for is JUSTICE. The people at Valley Golf did not seem to want to help us. None of the security guards even tried to stop the fight. Right in the clubhouse. I came back after the fight was over and talked to the receptionists. They say they did not see anything. The general manager of Valley Golf would not give us the names of the men who made my brother's ear bleed. It took him an hour. Maybe even more than that. He seemed to not want to help us. Because, we were against the SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRARIAN REFORM and the MAYOR OF MASIU CITY, LANAO DEL SUR. They were all scared.

The world has gone crazy. Two politicians beat up a defenseless 56-year-old father and his 14-year-old son. At a golf course. I swear to God, I thought golfers were decent people. You would think politicians were decent people. I guess not. I guess they gang up on 56-year-old men and beat up pleading 14-year-old kids.

Please pray for my dad, my brother and for my whole family. Please pray that we get JUSTICE. Oh God, please, give these people what they deserve.

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Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

Subject:An exercise in the macabre
Time:8:44 pm.
I was a killer. Not just any killer, a serial killer. That I took a freak pleasure in watching my victims struggle against the ropes or chains or leather straps. I dreamt that when I had my first victim, she was a very special friend. One that I had always relied on, one that I could say had a special place in my heart. She was so special that she broke me apart. And it drew me over the proverbial edge. She was my friend, and she had to die. She owed me that much since she was special. I remember how I operated, I asked her out to talk. I was giddy, worried even; I felt the acids rise up from my stomach to my mouth. I tasted blood from biting my lips so hard. I wanted to hear what she wanted to say, but then when I saw her walking towards me in her cute little dress, my resolve only grew…to make her repay what she owes me.

We talked, and she said all the wrongs things I didn’t want to hear:

“I have a present for you” I said.

She was puzzled but was expectant. And then I snapped, I struck my fist down the side of her temples. She wasn’t knocked out cold, she was stunned. A stunned stunner and her lips bled from the blow. It was beautiful. But if I wanted to savor the moment, I had to have her sleep. And I beat her again and again and again until her eyes rolled back from the love of my fists. I took her to my house. I strapped her to chains hung on the ceiling. I watched her writhe unconscious. It was exactly 6 hours 43 minutes and 7 seconds later that she came to. I sat right at the light of her sight. Bathed in glorious yellow light, and she in front of me, was the same. But she was in chains and I was free.

“You owe me this.”

She was hysteric, panicky and bloody. She was more beautiful then than in all the times we were together. But I was kind and patient, I took my time before her beauty would be immortalized. I showed her my tools, how I would make her forever. I had knives, and nails, and screws and skinners and a dissecting kit.

The first cut was always the most difficult.

I had a very difficult time with her. She trashed and screamed a lot. But like a mother giving childbirth violence and pain go hand in hand with beauty and eternity. The universe was made with destruction. Art is the same way, we destroy to create, we bleed to achieve. Pain is transient, but such a corporeal feeling gives birth to forever.

Her screams intensify. I have already skinned her entire right upper quadrant, running an incision through her midline right above the umbilicus. I was very careful to preserve much of the skin; I did not want a marred product. Everything below the skin is unnecessary. My endeavor lasted about 5 hours, 14 minutes and 23 seconds. I recorded her screams. I want to relive this moment in the near future.

Her skin lies bathed in formalin, and I ready the plastic bathe to immortalize her skin….

In hindsight, I should have done something else to the body aside from just throwing it in my yard and constantly spraying it with an air freshener. Ants are such a bother this season.

Nevertheless she watches me everyday, her immortal gaze looking at me. But I am distressed my first effort did not seem so refined, her smooth skin hangs loosely from the mannequin I fashioned from her bones, wires and paper Mache. I should take classes to improve my technique.
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Wednesday, November 5th, 2008

Subject:The Macau Experience.
Time:9:39 pm.
So the last week of finals in med was pretty much a text-fest. I had an average of 4 hours of sleep a day and the last two days I had no sleep.

October 31, which was my last day of exams for the 1st semester was what I would call a completely bad day. Aside from the neuroscience exam giving me an extremely tough time, I had no sleep. Next was while going home it was raining quite a bit, and at one point in the lanuza ave. intersection in ortigas ave. some taxi pulled a sudden stop on me, I managed to brake but the slippery road made the car slip and I hit the taxi which almost hit the BMW in front of it. After a few hot words and discussions we finally agreed to just file a police report and go on our merry ways. Incidentally I had the most damage since my plate holster got ripped off. The taxi just got bumped. The BMW was technically unscathed. Anyway since it was no one's fault [technically it was mine, but hey I can't control the weather] the damage will just be paid for by my folks.

Anyway further along the day I was supposed to pack my stuff for my two and a half day stay at Macau. This would be the first time I would take a trip by myself. Anyway I could have just brought my clothes as hand carry but my parents needed my luggage so around 1/5th of the actual space was just clothes and weighed in only at 9.2 kg during check in. The night was really just me being unable to sleep out of pure exhaustion and just chatting with some friends.

November 1, the day of the actual flight. Me and My brother's in laws [who were in manila for a ping pong tournament] were picked up by my uncle, and we went on our merry way to the airport. Getting there wasn't really much of a struggle since it was all soul's day and many were already in the province at that point. It took about 30-40 minutes only from my place to manila. Also lucky for me was that the airport was really senescent during that time again because it was all soul's day. I was there pretty early. My flight was 1230pm but I was there by 840am. Luckily I brought a book with me [heroic leadership by Cris Lowney great great great read] to pass the time.

---part 2----

By the time the gate rolled opened up for luggage check in I was a quarter into my book. Funnily enough it really was not so much of a hassle checking in luggage, the security checks, payment for taxes and everything else went smoothly as can be. By the time I knew it I was in the boarding area waiting for the plane. I had an early lunch and bought a club sandwich deluxe and gatorade from deli france [which was at least 20% more expensive than it usually was outside]. Some changes I noticed at the airport was that it had new landscaping [check out my multiply pics] and that there was a massage area at the end. I wanted to try it out but the rates are at 600 pesos an hour I think [they calculate in dollars so, meh.]

I just resolved to wait patiently in my area, read my book and listen to my ipod. at about 12:20nn my flight was boarding. From here on end the flight was really just a smooth affair. The plane was not fully booked and if I had wanted I could have gotten an entire row to myself. Anyway around the first 20 minutes of the flight I was fast asleep, trying to catch up from the days before of sleepless nights. I woke right around lunch was being given.

Weirdly enough, Airline food is suddenly not so bad. I remember as a kid I HATED airline food. Now though its actually quite palatable [although at some instances it requires good ol' salt and pepper]. Anyway Arriving in Macau by myself was pretty awesome. The airport was on a congregation of small islands off the mainland and were connected by stretches of concrete bridges. We disembarked and the normal immigration procedures commenced. Just to note, is it me or are ALL immigration people cranky? Well I suppose that's life.
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Friday, October 17th, 2008

Subject:Quarter life crisis
Time:4:52 am.
Reposted from an email in one of my yahoo groups. A good read for those working, or those who are currently feeling a little empty inside.

Quarter-life crisis 
By Gena Valerie Chua 
Friday, August 29, 2008 

I  first heard it three months after graduation, over lunch with college

Blockmate 1 (earns twice as much as any of us): I'm depressed. Work sucks.
Is there any job that sucks more than mine? 
Blockmate 2 (recently quit his job): Mine did. I was bored every day. I'm
applying abroad. Do you know how much you can earn there? 
Blockmate 3 (confessed bum): Money isn't worth your unhappiness. You should
be dating more, I'll set you up with a friend. 
Blockmate 1: But how can I be happy without money? Great dramatic sigh, I'm
having a quarter- life crisis. Who are you setting me up with? 

And there it was, the mystifying term that single-handedly captured our
22-year-old chaos. At first it sounded funny, but when the thought sank in,
we were all quiet for an uncomfortably long period of time. Did we have it

Since then, I've heard the phrase thrown around a lot. After graduation
get-togethers have been surprisingly frequent. It could be a withdrawal
symptom, you're all desperate to hold on to the certainty you had in school.
Now that everything has become so unstructured, we cling on dearly to the
people whom we shared such carefree, and sometimes careless days with. We
reminisce about how our lives used to be, and how they are now. Many of us
are in our third or fourth jobs. More and more are leaving the country to
"find greener pastures," joining that ever-growing diaspora like spores
drawn to more fertile ground. 

There is a shared sense of "lostness," not because we have nowhere to be.
No, we are all lucky enough to be somewhere, but most want to be somewhere
else. Everyone tells us we are meant to be great, or at least achieve a
slice of greatness. We are of that generation, the generation that has it
all. The generation that never had to work for anything because it's all
instant and automated. The natural expectation to surpass those before us
poses an unnerving problem: What happens if we don't? 
Maybe the pressure has been there for centuries, but never like this. The
world used to be enormous, a planet of rocks we only see in science books.
But now the world is shrinking. 

Everything, everyone is within reach. The overwhelming proximity of it all
has turned us claustrophobic. Wherever we find ourselves becomes too small a
place. We are always looking for that something, the thing that will
supposedly match our destined greatness. 

Upon writing this article I decided to Google the term. Lo and behold, the
omniscient Wikipedia had some interesting answers. Quarter-life crisis is a
medical term for the phase following adolescence, usually for ages 21-30.
Some "symptoms" include: (1) feeling not good enough about one's job (2)
frustration with relationships (3) insecurity about life goals (4) nostalgia
for school (5) a sense that everyone is doing better than you. Furthermore,
the stage occurs shortly after young, educated professionals enter the "real
world", when they realize that it is tougher, more competitive and less
forgiving than they imagined. 

So it's not a 21st centurything after all. Ah, but Wikipedia doesn't stop
there. It goes on to say that today, "the era when having a professional
career meant a life of occupational security has come to an end." Indeed, it
is no longer enough to get a well-paying job and do it for the rest of your

The lines used to be clearly drawn: you were a dentist, a doctor, an
engineer, a businessman. Today, things are not as black and white. Our "real
world" is now literally the entire world. We take our internships in
multi-national corporations, study abroad on exchange programs, and attend
art seminars in New York. We find worldwide options exceeding the
imagination of those before us: techie jobs in Silicon Valley, trading in
the Hong Kong stock market, even advertising for Google in hidden
GoogleLand. I had a classmate who took up forensics in Maryland, while
another one graduated from a famous fashion school in London. We are
constantly considering so many options, debating which ones we can qualify
for and which ones will ultimately help us define ourselves.  

Older folks say this is generation me, me, me. We want it all now, now, now
- even when we really have no idea what we want. So we end up wanting it
all. They (my parents, friends of my parents, parents of my friends) shake
their heads in disapproval at our inability to stay in one job. 
They say we can't stand any ounce of discomfort, any morsel of unhappiness.
It's true. We are impatient, always fleeing from one place to another -
because that is what we grew up doing. Change has always been inevitable,
but if there was ever a time when each year sees changes that used to span a
century, this would have to be it.  

As adolescents, none of our music icons had the longevity of The Beatles-
every three weeks it was a new genre of sound. One minute we were shrieking
fans of the Backstreet Boys, and the next we were cult followers of Matchbox
20. We have no memory of dinosaur computers; to us everything runs at 5Mbps.
Our shelves of Britannica have gathered dust; we only have to go to YouTube
and streams of video would unravel. We had the networking craze Friendster,
but even that didn't last. 

Soon we were creating separate accounts for Multiply, Facebook and
self-blogs. We shop on sites of local strangers and order via cellphone
banking. Oh yes, don't even get me started on cellphones. They have rendered
everything else useless: watches, cameras, music players, calculators,
dictionaries, even mirrors. 

Every time the world changes a part of itself, we've had to change along
with it. I'm not saying we should go back to the era of
i'll-be-waiting- two-weeks- for-your- snail-mail. I cannot leave the house
without my phone. Maybe we've become little brats of technology, the spawn
of an age always trying to outdo itself. If patience is a virtue, then the
remarkable deficiency of it has become our unconscious vice. Our adult lives
are an extension of our adolescent years, when coolness was attained by
downloading mp3s of a newbie rock band before everyone else did. We are
always on the move. We are fickle-minded, discontent and extremely volatile
- which according to Wikipedia, are natural to those in their 20's. But to
be in your 20s at a time when clients at work are Australians you will never
see past email correspondence, then it becomes a world that gives you only
two choices: move, or get left behind. 

We are expected to march out into the world with iPod in backpocket, one
earphone pounding against an eardrum. With our bountiful gifts from mother
technology and our cross-cultural media grub, we're supposed to find a way
to make ourselves great. Now more than ever, we have to prove ourselves
worthy of the time we were born into. So who can blame us, for wanting to
run all the time? The pressure is immense. So much is running after us and
worse, there is so much we are trying to keep up with. Like the reluctant
monster Incredible Hulk, we are always growing out of proportion, our
clothes tearing as we expand. And so we run, gasping for air, looking for a
place that can contain us. 

I'm grateful for being born in an era that constantly pushes itself forward.
But we were raised in a period long past mere survival, where the worst
blunder you can commit is not so much failure but mediocrity. And so we make
this plea: don't be so hard on us. It may now be less challenging to defy
boundaries, but the world out there is still as tough as ever. Let us have
our little crisis; spare us the time that we never seem to have enough of.
Give us the chance to find our own corner, where we can dig and shovel and
bury ourselves in. Because when the clouds clear up - when we can finally
stop twiddling our thumbs and wringing our hands in restlessness - you will
see what we have built out of our chaos, and you will be damn proud.

AJ Rodriguez

A M + D G

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Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Subject:Blue Book 2004. About damn Time.
Time:2:39 am.
First of all, BLUE BOOK 2004!!!!! It's been four years in the making and well, we were beginning to lose hope for getting our copies which we paid for.

So a shout out to all my batch mates from ateneo HS 2004, THE BLUE BOOK IS OUT. It can be collected in the second year wing from 8-11am and 1-4pm. No need to bring your ancient [and probably] lost OR.


That is all. Back to cardio-pulmo

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Sunday, September 21st, 2008

Subject:And the rain does not wait for anyone....
Time:10:01 pm.
well, I can't really say anything else about today. I lack sleep, I did not study too well and the week has only begun.This brief moment in time shall be a day I will remember in infamy the word "Neuroscience" shall ring like the tolls of death in my ears. But alas, I will endure. For what else can humans do in the face of unspeakable fury? Prepare, Pray and steeling oneself against the onslaught from the forces of thine professors.

The rain does not wait for the anyone, it falls when it wishes and recedes when it wants. And we are but observers in the grand scale of things...

Alas, Alas the week is long and time is short to prepare. I must bid thee adieu, adieu

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Sunday, September 14th, 2008

Subject:A reflection on the human experience...
Time:8:59 pm.
Every waking moment we feel, we see, we touch, we see we smell. We FEEL, and yet as real as what we sense, some feel it is all unreal. The experience of reality is such that it is really, real. What do I mean by this? I mean that the human experience is surreal in its truest sense, that reality is so real that one has no other choice but to think it unreal to prove that it is in fact what it is not.

Like the paradox of the brightest light, that which no human eyes can see, yet is brighter than any star in the universe. The experience of humanity of reality can only be affirmed by looking at what it is not. An experience can be examined or ignored, it can be turned inside and out to look for meanings, learning's and signs which may or may not be there. By itself in its truest form, an experience is devoid of any alignment, be it good or bad. It is in its context that we view it as such.

Experience gives birth to hindsight and hindsight gives birth to wisdom. And in the course of life youth does not give heed to wisdom. For experience is a non-linear linear chain of events. What I mean to say, is that the human experience may take the gamut of all forms of human experience, but there are constants that shape it. Birth, growing up, getting married [or not getting married], growing old and dying are but part and parcel of every human experience. These can take as many shapes and forms as infinite as the stars in the universe.

Take for example a guitar. Luthier and guitarists alike say that no one guitar sounds the same, and yet many look alike and sound alike, but there are nuances to each that may not be a big difference to one who does not scrutinize. But to the trained ears, eyes and feel of a seasoned musician the nuances make all the differences. These nuances are what drives a guitarist to search for what he calls the "ultimate tone" that one defining sound that will say "I am."

As such, the human experience is similar, we look for many things in life. We take these and examine them in post script, in pre script or even while we are experiencing them. And then we struggle and we search for that experience that will define us.

So then, the really real, that which we feel so intensely is indeed real. We only feel that it is unreal because we are over-sensitized to the purity of our experiences. And yet like that elusive "Ultimate tone" we never tire of the search. As humans we will run the gamut of all the experiences that our choices, and the choices of the other will give us.

But in the end, this search for the "ultimate tone" will lead to one conclusion. That the ultimate tone is ultimate because it changes, and that change is what is the ultimate. There will be defining moments in our lives, but in the end changes will govern us, and our choices will make us who we are.

But it is surprising to see that who really are, changes through time. Take the time to examine experience, and each time the result will not be the same. That kiss that you shared with your first crush might mean so much during your childhood, but when reflecting on it as an adult you see something different.

We are mysteries upon ourselves. Those who say they truly know themselves may be lying or may be telling the one truth. That knowing oneself is accepting that there will always be more to oneself that one knows.

"self mastery is not knowing yourself fully, it is in accepting that you will never know yourself completely"
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Thursday, September 11th, 2008

Time:9:38 am.
Doing this for a friend,

Do you feel the need to express your ateneo school spirit? GETBLUED shirts do that excellently! Get your shirt today!

Sample shirt designs:

Fight Fight Blue and white!

Go to their Website at http://getblued.multiply.com/ and get your shirts today!

End of plug

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Saturday, August 30th, 2008

Subject:To ponder the origin of Evil
Time:12:21 pm.
It approximately takes 12 hours to pass for dawn to become the dusk. and then the shadows will fall. Such a drastic dialectic, one would think, that the same light we cherish bears the darkness that cover us. That in the world one side is in darkness and the other is in light. It seems...so natural that there is both light and darkness at the same time.

It makes one ponder, how easy is it to see a man turn from light to dark? For people to say that he has turned. Is it as simple as that twelve hours from dawn to dusk for a person to decide to turn to evil?

But how do people turn evil? There are as many ways to live in evil, as in to live in good. But, one never understands that evil is never evil. It always hides in the guise of good. Like the wolf among the sheep, wearing the skin of those he had devoured. Evil is something that plagues us all.

Evil arises in people in very simple ways. For one, no one in their right minds would actually go and do something terrible to other people. But Evil really does hide in the guise of good quite literally. Let us take your pranksters in general, they are out to do "good fun" but what do they do to other people to get their laughs? They tease them, hurt them or embarrass them in a variety of ways. While there is a good range for this merciless shtick; there are many times that these "harmless" pranks go too far. These pranksters have probably thought that what they were doing were in "good fun" but these games can progress to something that does hurt people.

A more poignant example. Wars, no one wants war [or at least the majority of people do not like war]. Governments frequently initiate wars for the so-called "good" but which good are they talking about? Wars are in a word, profitable, but only in the short run. If they drag on they become a toll on the state. But I digress, the reason why war is so much an option for a powerful country is that it promotes their good. May it be in the name of an ideology or a displaced sense of justice or even for unity. Blood has been spilled in the name of Goodness for as far back as history can reach....
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